Commitment Issues

The biggest challenge of yoga school so far has been learning to say no. The schedule is intense, especially for someone who is already working full-time. I knew I would have to cut back on my social calendar, which has become a life line as I deal with the end of my marriage. However, I didn't realize how severely yoga school would impact my time with friends–not to mention my me time.

At first I tried to meet up with friends two or three nights per week, but I always paid for it the next day. I would hit the snooze button eight times in a row, losing the quiet morning hour for meditation and practice. I'd finish a page in my anatomy text book and have no idea what I had just read, forcing me to go back over it again. Or I'd make it to class but have a tired brain, unable to give my teacher and classmates the attention I wanted to show them. 

It is hard to commit to change, no matter how excited you are about it. Our attention spans are getting shorter and we are constantly bombarded with information about what everyone else we know is doing. We are surrounded by temptation. It is all too easy to say, "I really want to meet up with my friend for a drink tonight, so I'll spend an hour on my home practice when I get back." You can imagine how often I follow through on these deals with myself.

When we are serious about making changes in our life, good intentions are no longer enough. It's the action that counts. We need to choose the right action each time, not just when we are in the mood for it. This is incredibly hard. We will fail over and over again, and when we do we need to show ourselves compassion and then renew our resolve. Each failure is an important part of the journey.

When we are truly ready at our core to make the change, the right action will become easier. Once we have seen a new path and are ready to give up our old way of being, choosing the right action will no longer feel like a sacrifice. It becomes something we do willingly so we can blossom. 

I have decided that yoga school is my top priority, because I have already witnessed the transformative effect it has had on my life. This means that I routinely have to say no to my friends and pass on activities that I normally wouldn't miss. But it's getting easier–not because I love my friends any less but because I believe in what I'm doing. I have finally made the decision to bloom.