It's a Trap!

I wrote earlier this month about how much sadness I was carrying around about my birthday approaching this year. The thought of celebrating on my own had invoked a fresh sense of loss, and I had concerns that I might just have a total meltdown when the day finally arrived. But I didn't. It turned out that the day I was dreading became a spectacular reminder of something that I seem to easily forget: I am loved. 

What I discovered on my birthday reminded me of a story that I read in The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo. He wrote about a clever monkey trap that was created by putting food into a hollowed-out coconut with a small hole cut into the side. The monkey can reach his hand into the coconut to grab the food, but once he closes his hand it no longer fits through the hole. The monkey is essentially trapped because he's hanging on to the food. All the monkey needs to do to free himself is to let go of what's in his hand, but in his hunger he holds tight–even though there is food to be found elsewhere. 

Mark Nepo shared how we as humans do this same thing. We cling to the things we want so tightly that we become stuck and unable to let go, even when these things are not serving us. That's how I felt as my birthday crept up this year. I wanted so badly to be loved that I had desperately grabbed back on to a dream that was causing me pain. I was trapped and unable to move forward, afraid to let go of a possibility for love because I didn't think I could find it anywhere else. 

Yet all along I have been surrounded by love. I just didn't recognize it until my birthday when I was overwhelmed by the love and kindness of family, friends, coworkers, classmates, and even strangers. The generosity of the people in my life was extraordinary, as they shared time, thoughts, talents, and treasures with me. I was truly surprised by the response, though I realize now I should not have been. These caring people have been in my life all along, supporting me and offering their love. I just wasn't able to see and accept what they were sharing because my fist was closed so tightly. Now I feel lighter because I can relax my hand and surrender, moving forward with gratitude for the loving people in my life.