Hold On Loosely

We cling very tightly to the things we want, whether the object of our attachment is a material item, a relationship, or even an idea. We clench our fists until our knuckles turn white, afraid that if we loosen our grip for even a moment we will lose the thing we want so badly. Yet when we are so intensely focused on this one desire, our eyes are blinded to the wonders of the world around us. Our hands are too full to accept anything else. 

Once I started thinking about this instinct to hold on, I noticed it over and over again in my own life. There are so many things that I have been clinging to: approval, love, security. I didn't realize it at the time, but now I can see that I fell into this trap when I first felt my husband drifting apart from me. Out of fear I avoided addressing the problem and starting a difficult conversation. Instead I instinctively held on tighter, not realizing that this would only make the problem worse. I put more and more energy into trying to be what I thought he wanted me to be, when what I really needed to be was myself. This desperation comes from a view of there being scarcity in the world, from believing that there is not enough to go around. This attitude consumes our precious energy in protecting what we think is ours and feeling threatened when someone else gets the thing that we want. 

I now understand that underlying my actions was a very scary thought: if I loosen my grip on the person that I love more than anything, he will be able to walk away. I felt forced to hold on tightly no matter what it cost me. Yet the truth is that we live in a world of abundance. There is enough to go around, and we only need to widen our view to be able to see it. We only need to open our hands and hearts to be able to experience it. I am surrounded by love but I wasn't able to realize it until my hands were empty. 

It is painful to lose something so important, without a doubt. However, every loss opens up a space for us to let something else in. And that's a subject for another night...