Pomp and Circumstance
After taking a week off to concentrate on my finals (during which time I encountered a million things I wanted to write about), I finally have a chance to put everything down and reflect on the last five months. It went by too fast, and yet it always seemed like graduation was too far away. On so many occasions I was ready to be done, but at the same time I didn't want the program to end. Life is full of these dichotomies, pulling us in opposite directions but working together to take us out of the moment at hand.
On the morning of our last 6 AM asana class, my eighteen classmates sat knee to knee in a tight circle, holding hands for one last closing. My dear teacher spoke humbly and eloquently about the path that we had traveled together and her hopes for the personal journeys that we would continue, finishing with the following excerpt from Learning to Walk in the Dark by Barbara Brown Taylor:
"To be human is to live by sunlight and moonlight, with anxiety and delight, admitting limits and transcending them, falling down and rising up. To want a life with only half of these things in it is to want half a life..."
It was a poignant moment for most of us, and it was a fitting reminder of something we had encountered day after day throughout the program. How often did I spend my meditation period with my mind darting after my thoughts like a skittish sparrow? How often did I want to sit and take a pass when we were introduced to challenging backbends? How often did I want to do anything other than sit down with my anatomy book to complete an assignment? All of these things were hard. It would have been so easy to just do the opposite. If I had a nickel for every time one of my classmates exclaimed (or sighed or muttered!), "This is hard!" then I would be able to buy myself a nice pair of yoga pants.
As frustrated as we can get when things are hard, it's important to have these experiences. It's okay to struggle and to not be able to find the ground under our feet. If everything was easy, then we'd be living only half a life. We'd miss out on all the ways we grow when we are forced to live by the moonlight, face our anxieties, or admit our limits. Without sadness there would be no joy. Without fear there would be no love. We need all of these in our life if we want to fully participate in the vibrant world around us.
In order to learn how to pick ourselves up, we have to learn to fall down. Yoga school provided me with the opportunity to practice both of these quite regularly, and I am grateful to have had the opportunity to do so. I have learned new things about myself and what I am capable of–mentally and physically–and I couldn't be more excited to teach and encourage others who are starting on this path.